Remember that blog about a guy dealing with OCD? No? It's probably because there hasn't been a new post in 5 months. I do have a reason for this, and unfortunately, it's kind of difficult to talk about.
But I'm going to anyway because this is a blog and I'm told that's what you're supposed do with a blog.
I basically just stopped with my treatments. I remember when I first met with a psychiatrist he told me that keeping up on the medication and therapy will be difficult, and I remember thinking, "Why the hell would I ever stop doing something that's making my life so much easier?" And the therapy and the meds definitely make my life easier. I became less irritable and more in control of my thoughts. I also became more pleasant to be around. I know this because everyone in my life told me so. I must've been a real asshole prior to being on meds...
But then I couldn't get in for my next therapy appointment. And I've been having a difficult time getting an appointment since. And one day, I just didn't take my meds. Then one day turned to two, then a week, and then I was just done. At first, I didn't really experience any change, but after a month or so, I spiraled hard and fast toward a version of me I never want to go back to again.
It was a pretty dark time for me, and I'm honestly embarrassed I let it happen. I don't want to go into too much detail here (that will be left for my therapist or my next date, whichever comes first, so probably the therapist), but I regressed a lot, and everything seemed even worse since I knew what it felt like to be more "normal." People think depression is the same as feeling sad, but it's not. It's much worse. When you're depressed, you don't feel anything, not even sadness. You're just kind of "there." The worst thing that happened during this period was that I missed one of my best friend's wedding. I was supposed to be in the wedding and even speak (that comes with the territory when you're a public speaking teacher), but I just couldn't go. I wanted to, but couldn't.
So that was a brutal wakeup call for me. I immediately got started on my treatment again.
I think it's working too, because everyone in my life has been telling me that I'm a lot more pleasant to be around again.
Hello! My name's Kyle. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I hate it, but managing it has produced stories that I feel are worth sharing. Hopefully this platform can provide those struggling with mental health disorders an outlet for comfort, support, and even some humor. Not everything I post will be amazing, but I promise I will have checked every last detail, no matter how insignificant, way more times than necessary before posting.